The worst thing in the world is when I start myself with my trypophobic attack.

For anyone who doesn’t know what a PHOBIA or PHILIA is:
a PHOBIA is an extreme or irrational fear of or a strong dislike or disinclination to something.
a PHILIA is denoting fondness, especially an abnormal love for a specified thing. Or it is a sometimes inappropriate or unwanted inclination, which is a person’s natural tendency or urge to act or feel in a particular way; a disposition or propensity.

Which would be: the fear of holes for the phobia, and the attraction of them to the philia.
Stop laughing. It’s serious.

I have it generally with small holes. Like on sponges. Tissue in skin. Honeycombs. Corals. Sometimes condensation on a bottle. Some teeth cavities or missing teeth.
pancakes with holes. strawberries without seeds…
And Lotus pods. My worst nightmare.

I had to google some examples to make sure you get the idea.
Now I have triggered an attack on myself.
Go me.

Some trypophobics are afraid of falling into the holes, some are creeped out because they’re dark. Some people just have had bad experiences. Me? I’m just off put by them, the small ones, couldn’t tell you why. The bigger ones? Human sized? Afraid to fall in.

Trypophobia is generally not something only certain people have. Usually everyone who looks at the right (er.. wrong) image can be triggered. And then BAM next thing you know, your whole life is changed because you saw one bad image. Now you look at things you didn’t see before like they’re tainted too. 
For me, I always had it. Since I was little. I just didn’t understand then, and now that I do, it makes things 200x harder for me to deal with.
Ignorance is bliss my friends.

I’m sitting here all twitchy and I get that weird restless sensation type thing. It starts in my legs mostly by my knees, towards the back of them, into the back of my calf. It’s hard to explain but I keep trying to stretch my legs to keep it off. It’s like an uneasy feeling and an itchy feeling but the itchy is on the inside. 
So now I’ve started making myself anxious with it and the philia kicks in so I googled the stupid thing. I’m looking at this pictures and shaking internally but I keep looking and zoom some because I’m so interested in how they got like that and the pores. 
My trypophobia isn’t very specified as to what bothers me, but some things are worse than others. Generally natural things can be pretty bad, like certain ocean type sponges. 
Or the slightly manipulated pictures of serious holes in people’s head or beards. Like the individual holes for where each hair was.
But what bugs me out the most are the test pictures. Where they show you the (per say on a person), skin bumped out, and then the holes, but sometimes they have weird lump things kind of in them and those might have a hole as well. That really makes me freak and then the twitchy feeling starts worse. 
The other worse one would be the heels of feet or fingertips. They show them almost gutted out at their surface/tip and the spongy tissue look, of course, all decorated in holes. Yay.

Larger holes generally aren’t too affecting of me, but it will sometimes tie into the fact that I have a phobic/philiac relationship with heights as well. I am terrified, TERRIFIED of heights. I am scared of falling in general. I’m scared of falling into something, like a large hole. But I will proceed to go over to it, and stand shaking and look into it. Intrigued by it’s depth and what would happen if I went down and how far I’d fall and how it’d feel until I’m almost paralyzed by the fear I might fall in.

Philia/Phobia relationships actually aren’t as rare as I though, says google and tumblr and some stuff on reddit and other sites. It’s always nice to know I’m not completely weird.
And like I said, Trypophobia is common. My sister has it, too. She showed me what it was officially called, and it started this train wreck, so go yell at her.

If you read this, tell me you read the entire thing, and I’ll find a way to see you did, and you get a fucking surprise gift because this is a nightmare in itself.

Want more information? Or a TL;DR?

My worst triggers:
THE LOTUS PODhttp://31.media.tumblr.com/dbdc6bd80c65422dbde532647dd5ab20/tumblr_msyy7hxnvs1qcokc4o1_500.jpg
THIS THING. UGH. http://trypophobia.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/trypophobia5.jpg
SKIN HOLLOWS WITH HOLES http://trypophobia.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/11-300x240.jpg
HAIR REMOVAL HOLES http://healthtopic.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/trypophobia-gifapparently-facial-transplants-are-a-growing-trend———lolx2-xiw2tsv2.jpg